sadness

I'm back. Where once there was another. Now I only need to talk with myself. There is no need to talk and explain so much now. My time has also returned.. Still... I wonder about her..

Doing

Recently, I had this conversation with a friend. It's about doing snd how we human beings keep jumping from doing one thing to doing the next thing. Sometimes, I would think we are lost in the doing. We just want to do something. Even cultivators also want to do something, chant, bow, read, even meditate! Meditation, the pinnacle of non-doing, is also doing sonething. They say, "I'm going to meditate now." It's like meditation is also, an activity, sonething to do which can fill up their time. When friends meet, we must also always find a reason to meet or something to do. We cannot just meet to meet each other. It's really wierd.

Zen Master Harada Tangen Roshi used to say, "Just this one doing". But do what? One? There are so many things to do!! How can it be one? By that phrase, is he also free of the compulsion to do something?

Some people say this compulsion to keep doing something to occupy your time, is actually to occupy your mind, to keep it busy so that it doesn't have to face the Truth of yourself. You don't want to see yourself.. Is that the case?

Another saying is that you just have to know why you are doing sonething then just go ahead and do it, no second thoughts. However, even so, I feel this doing and doung does become a habit! And we keep looking for something to do. In fact, I think we lose appreciation of the now in our compulsion of always doing.

On the other side of the spectrum, there are others who revel in not doing. That is another aspect. They are attached to not doing.

As such what is the right way? The middle way between doing and not doing? Doing what is needed but not any extra and when there is nothing to do, just do nothing. Free from the compulsion to always do something, and free from attachment to doing nothing. But how do we achieve this balance?

Something missing

There is something missing because you are looking for something, expecting something. If you are not expecting, seeking, originally, nothing is missing.

The Perfectly Perfect World

If this world was perfect, look again, there's probably something wrong with this world. Maybe a hole or a glitch somewhere.

It is precisely because of this imperfection, we know that this world is completely perfect.

Leaving

But my mum has been unhappy these days.. She says that I am not 乖 for leaving her alone at home for 9 days. Hmmm...attachment...

Also it has got me thinking..i always say i am leaving, leaving sg n leaving this world so i make leaving n not leaving. I make this world and that destination.. All are 起心动念的造作, all duality thinking mind..what is the true leaving? And what is the Right Function of this monk's leaving?

A turning word is required..

(turning word is zen talk for some speech or action which turns the situation into the correct direction)

Permanence

Permanence cannot be found in external objects and phenemonea but in the perfectly cultivated person.

While external things are always changing and inconsistent. The perfectly cultivated person is always conpassionate to all beings.

Pure Compassion

Through the great Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche's life, I learnt and see the teaching of Great Compassion. His whole life was just this Great Compassion. Truly a great master, a role model to learn from and follow. To step out of our own small ideas, own small selves, and step right into Great Compassion. To me, that is the teaching of the great Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche. In His Great Compassion, there is nothing outside of it.

With utmost love, respect and metta _(|)_

Giving acupuncture to a dead cow

Today, I really understand what is giving acupucture to a dead cow. I used shock tactics, used the power of motherly love, used persuasion, used love, used words of instigation, nothing worked, the cow is still as dead as ever.

Looks like this cow is really dead.

What surprised me the most is that as a mother, even motherly love is insufficient and unable move one to overcome karma, insufficient to overcome one's self opinion n ego and the dead cow just lives his or her life normally. This is really incredible!! What this world does to you, making you a lifeless soul...dull of mind and dull of faculties that all tactics fail you...

Did I do it wrong? Or is that person's karma too heavy... Hmm lesson to be learnt....

What should I do to treat this dead cow? Is there any life left in this dead cow? If so, what is it and how can it be found?

I am seriously amazed how after such an episode, dead cows just carry on doing what they do.. It is like you whip a horse, and a horse just moves at his normal speed. They don't slow to think over what was said.. It's really wierd but it happens!!

Like clouds in the sky

The morning anew,
The darkness of the night gone.
What seemed like darkness is now only a past memory.
What is a memory?
What is a memory?
As I try to recall, All i can recall is a blurred vision of what seemed to have been real.
Ah! This elusive memory, this elusive past, just like a cloud in the sky.
When you try to grab it, there is nothing you can grab hold on to.
You are just you now here.
Ding dong,
The train has arrived.

Try Again Every New Day

Every new day is a precious opportunity for us to try again; to correct the wrongs we did in the past, to do the good we failed to do before. To improve and better ourselves, to help the world and all sentient beings!

This second chance is hard to come by and becomes a chance only when the chance is presented to us and we see it as such! Many times, we never get the chance to right the wrongs we did or improve on the things we wanted to. On the contrary, we might even see it as a chore given to us by someone who wants to punish us! But why see it in that way? Is it helpful? One breeds enmity, one breeds goodness and helps ourselves :)

So when such an opportunity comes by, try again! Try again with courage, sincerity and effort!

Every new day, try again!

In gassho from Shinnyo-en :)

kuri kaerimasu

(C chases after (B) runs after A)
Kuri Kaerimasu Kuri Kaerimasu
The work Samsara.
What is chasing? What is running?

Seung Sahn's Clear Mary,
the wise racing dog.
She sees through the lie,
runs through the field,
And captures that fake running rabbit!

Who is the rabbit and who is the dog?
Who is A? Who is B? and who is C?

"Do you see it? Do you see it?" the wise one asks.

"Yes, yes," the student answers.

Then what are you going to do about it?

That is the question always; The only worthwhile question. :

How are you going to live your life?

The Unreal You

You, who lives in the virtual realm, in a world of imagination and wonder, when will you make your worlds one and reconcile your life?

Don't you feel that you have always been separate? That the real world is so scary and boring and there is so much more in the imaginative world than the real world? You can do all things in the imaginative world but can never do it in the real world, experience the mental acrobatics, pyrotechnics, words too limited to describe them. You yearn to experience what you see and hear of the virtual imaginative world in the real world, you try to bring the imagination into the real world through literature and art but they are never sufficient expressions.

Yet, such expressions are for the crazy and wild. You who are brought up so traditionally and being entrenched in this societal jail cannot help but live out your life pitifully in the virtual world while being forced to conform to reality here. The ricebowl issue, the societal pressure all pushing you to live out this life in a way you don't want to yet you have to. Do you resign to the fact or do you take the leap? You can never take the leap, you do not dare....

What can you do? You procratinate this life, not wanting to be in the flow yet somehow you know you need to, have to. You try to find a middle way solution to satisfy both paths. To live out this life imaginatively yet making everyone happy. You admire those who take the road less taken but u never can, you don't dare...

Those around you, do they truly know you? You look so different from what you are inside! A meek look ouside but an adventurous free spirit inside. But your curious eyes can never hide it!

You yearn for the adventure of a lifetime but have no idea how to get there. Given the way things are, you just say.. One day.. One day.. That's all you can muster. Never being able to commit!

When are you going to step out of this small frame and be the real you?!!!

Take your life in your hands be the difference! Do not split your life into two! Live realistically here and look around you, there are opportunities abound! Apply your imaginings here; Do not be trapped in the virtual world! A virtual imaginative jail.

Living in the same way

Living your life in the same way for maybe a large part of your life, towards the end of your life, would you regret doing same thing for the many years? Would you yearn for more, that you have tasted the other experience? Or would you regret thinking that you could have lived in another way which is more beneficial? Would you think that you have wasted this life? Or wasted those many years? The thought of having a next life to continue 'living' does not help anymore because you are simply not you anymore. So what would you do? How would you make your decisions, and how well are you going to stand by it?

Would you be satisfied with your life? That is the greatest question. Are you satisfied?

If not, what could we do?

A question to consider

Is everything not going well for me? Or am I not going well with everything? Hmmmm....

Perfect robots? Reflections on iRobot

Even robots with perfect codes will go haywire. That is how this world is! Dissatisfactory, imperfect and these decays or changes can happen anytime! So no matter how perfect your programming or engineering is, you cannot create a perfect robot. Because perfect is impossible in this world! This world is marked with dukkha!

However, if you create a council of robots to check on each other in case others go awry, the possibility something will go wrong will drop, but never go away!! There will always be a chance. And a higher chance humans will go wrong. So what do we choose?

Living this life

To think that you know more, so you should be more important, or treated so, you are making a big mistake! If u refuse to bow to someone who has only knowledge and no insight, it goes to show that your insight is really not enough!! One must be constantly reminded of this! After all, where did I come from, to be so important that 'I' can't lose or my body parts can't touch the ground. Know that 'i' am not so different from the other and harmony is important. Act wisely and only when needed. Do the right thing, say the right thing, to the right person, at the right time. It is a life long learning. I have much to learn, as always :)

Buddhism

Well, to me, the practice of Buddhism is to realise ourselves. To realise that we are here, not there; we are this, not that. This is who we are, this is what we are. We are only just like this, and these are what we can and should do.

Then we realise that things are also just like this and not like that. Then the only thing left to do is to constantly bring ourselves back to how we and things are and do what we should do.

Honestly speaking....

Honestly speaking, after all these years of studying Buddhism, i realise that i seriously do not know what buddhism is about! I do not know what the Buddha was talking about, what the ancient teachers were talking about, or what the modern teachers are talking about. I do not know what they are refering to or what meditation or mindfulness is all about. I really have no idea! And don't see what they mean. In the end, i only know what i know. If someone asks me about buddhism, i usually do not know what to say, i only know what i know, what do i know about buddhism? However, to resolve the situation, i just answer with the ancient teachers' answer.

Ultimately, what can i do? One can only live my life based on what one knows. If i ask myself if my understanding is the same as the buddha's or ancients? How do i know really; how can one know?? One can only live one's life based on what one knows. There is no other way. No way to live your life based on something you don't know!

Then i ask myself if i am chasing their tail to understand what they know? I can only say yes. They know something that i don't which helps them. I am chasing that in hope that it can help me too! I want to know the secret that they know! What do i know? Just trying to chase their tail.

The self meets the self

" there is a study of the river seeing the river. “The river practices and verifies the river; hence, there is a study of the river speaking river. We must bring to realization the path on which the self encounters the self.” We must move back and forth along, and spring off from, the vital path on which the other studies and fully comprehends the other.”"

The self sees the self and knows the self. But that's the only thing he can know because all other things are all other things and all the self is all the self. There is no way that we can know all about the other things but we can know ourselves for ourselves are here and not there. But we must see ourselves and thereby verify ourselves. If we do not see ourselves, then there is no way to verify ourselves. The river is only verified by the river and the self only verified by the self. There is no other way..

A revisit to "The world is but a dream"

Who would say the world is not a dream and a dream is not the world? As ephemeral a dream is, so is the world, nothing ever stays still, no one knows what is about to happen. Both are marked with the 3 characteristics: impermenant, non-self, without a concrete nature, is dependent originated, suffering/dissatisfactory/imperfect. But there is one thing which never changed and never moved. It cannot be found anywhere but if we search deep within ourselves, we can find it.

Yet knowing this, we cant let go of the fake world, the insubstantial world. The greed, anger and ignorance, which in truth do not amount to anything substantial. We thus go round and round, unable to pull out.