Understanding and giving

By watching 2 people I learnt a lesson. One day, Tom and Jerry had a quarel. Tom says he gave Jerry all his cheese and the thing that got him most pissed off is that Jerry is un-appreciative. However, if you ask Jerry, Jerry would complain that Tom is a stingy and selfish fool who keeps hoarding the cheese. So the question is who is right?

The answer is both are right. Why? Let's see.

The true story is that when Jerry asked Tom to give him his cheese, he had a difficult time asking from him. He had to use all sorts of ways to beg and pray and plead with Tom and Tom would not budge an inch. As such, Jerry used a lot of effort and a lot of hardwork to get the cheese from Tom. Until finally, Tom gave Jerry the cheese. After getting the cheese, Jerry once left it unguarded and it was stolen by Mike. Tom thus got very sad and kept nagging at Jerry every other day for the loss of the cheese. And in between this nagging, kept asking Jerry to pay him back the cheese. In the end, Jerry couldn't stand Tom and left him. Tom was left wondering why Jerry left him.

Analysing from Tom's perspective: Tom did give the cheese to Jerry. It is a fact, a truth. Tom was technically right to say that he gave Jerry the cheese. And so Tom does not understand why Jerry says that he is selfish and stingy. Losing the cheese to the careless actions of Jerry, naturally Tom would feel sad as he went through a reat deal of effort and difficulty to gather that amount of cheese.


Analysing from Jerry's perspective: Jerry feels that he went through a lot of suffering trying to get the cheese from Tom and that since they are such good friends, the best in the world, they should help each other out naturally. Why is Tom so reluctant to let go of the cheese? Why does Tom make it so hard for Jerry to get the cheese? After all, each of them worked hard to gather their cheese and it is all for their shared survival. So why is Tom so reluctant. After all, after getting Tom's cheese, Jerry was going to use it to exchange for more and better cheese from his friends.
Furthermore, Jerry did not purposely leave the cheese out in the open for others to steal, he ensured no one was around the area before leaving it there and he felt he was unluckily that the cheese got stolen.


If you ask Tom what he wants, Tom says he feels that his contribution was neglected and taken for granted. He just wants to Jerry to show some form of appreciation and regret for his lack of foresight and losing the cheese that Tom spent so much effort collecting. Tom just wants to hear 'thanks' and 'sorry'.

If you ask Jerry, Jerry feels that he shouldn't be blamed, he had good intentions in mind and it was just his luck. He at the same time is also deeply saddened and disappointed with the loss of the cheese in his hands. He feels that Tom shouldn't blame him for the loss. And Tom as his good friend should comfort him. Thus whenever Tom talks about this issue and mentions the cheese, Jerry gets very upset. Moreover, Tom says he gave the cheese to Jerry, but Jerry feels he earned it from Tom through much hard persuasion. And is quite saddened by Tom's attitude after their many years of friendship.


Well, that is the story of Tom and Jerry and the cheese. What can you draw from the story? Well for me, I learnt that when you say you give something, give willingly and do not take that to be yours again after it has changed hands. I learnt that appreciation is important and to apologise is important.

To always hear from the other party. What happens, the facts are not the truth. The truth to a person is his perception of things. To Tom, his giving the cheese is the truth. To Jerry, he struggled to get the cheese is the truth. So what is the truth? Can we say who is right and wrong? From the facts, both are right.

To always put down your ego and help each other out. To always say explicitly what you want from the other party. Tom never told Jerry what he wanted. And even if he did, Jerry never heard. Vice-versa, Jerry never told Tom what he wanted from him and Tom would not have heard too, being too concerned with his own well-being and damaged heart through the loss. So to end in the 2 good friends parting ways, is it really very hard to fanthom why? It just takes some listening, some true giving and some understanding.

Most importantly I feel, it takes putting down a person's I, My, Me. The person's big ego. The ego was the thing clouding their judgements. That's why in the end, I always turn to the Buddhist teachings which teach the method to take away one's ego from the equation and have a more harmonious, understanding world, and to have less sufferings. I believe, this is the way to living a better, happier and more fulfilling life for oneself and those around oneself.