Aya goes back to Higashi High and she says that she is glad she returns, because she remembers tha the 15 year old her was definitely alive there. You know sometimes, in Buddhism, they talk too much about impersonal stuff like Dharma and practice. However, as humans, many times, we work on feelings. So sometimes, we need to take care of our feelings too. Feelings are greatly affected by thoughts and memories. So sometimes, only through reliving these memories, thinking about the future are we encouraged..as long as we are human. Even as I write these now, it seems so impersonal. Haha.
"Finding out that today leads to tomorrow makes me happier" As of now, I still can't understand that..
Aya asks, "Mum, what am I living for?" That is a big question.
Facing the sandstorm, when there is no shelter, we can either allow ourselves to be blown away or stay our ground or continue to walk forward. Which would you choose?
Aya was given much strength when her doctor said that he had not given up on her. Not giving up is sometimes rather easy. you just go and just do it all the way. Decisions to give up or not usually culminate at a point of yes or no. If at that point, you say no, then you carry on. It is just as easy and as difficult as that. So if we set our mind to it, to always saying yes, and always going on. I think we can make it.
You know, this "feel that i am really alive thing", I think this is actually a big problem in itself. It causes us to always do something. But I don't exactly knows how it feels like though. Maybe I have got to wait sometime. But for now, I think that to do your job well, be of use to others, slowly fade away would be sufficient.
It is to the final 20min or so to the show already. The journey is about to end.
To find a place wher you can come home to always. Where can that be, the place of permenance in a world of impermenance.
In one of the entries in her diary, Aya writes a big Thank You. Actually, everything, everyone is helping us, if only we see and realise. Then we would feel the great sense of gratitude that Aya feels. In her condition, she sees it clearly, many things that we do not see. If only we see what she sees, then our lives would be totally different.
Her writings, her room, her pictures...I wonder how it will be kept. Where will it be kept after her parents pass away. Even these, will pass. And one day, those who do not know its meaning deep enough will just dispose of it and its meaning would be lost. That is how the world renews itself, over and over again.
The sensei says that Aya was an extraordinary girl. The mother says that she is just an ordinary girl. Actually I also think that Aya is an ordinary girl. But it is the choices she makes that is different. How we choose to live our lives, we can choose. We can choose what we want to do, how we want to feel within the circumstances. We can choose. So we should choose wisely and not waste our lives away. I think, only when we have done something useful, then can we die in peace.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
1 litre of tears part 8
Do not rush through it,
Do not be greedy,
Do not give up.
Because everyone takes a step at a time,
It didn't matter how insignificant,
But I wanted to be useful to others.
Bowz, for most big tasks, we usually don't seem to be going anywhere, but if we stick to it, and continue sticking to it, one day, when we look back we will see that there is already a difference.
Aya says in this episode that she doesn't belong anywhere. I think we belong wherever we are, right at that spot. Usually we are the ones who come up with the idea that we do not.
In life, we affect people's lives and people affect ours without us knowing. Our thoughts, actions are all affected. And this, just totally changes the trajectory of our lives....Just like how Aya thinks that Asou has always been helping her. But she has influenced him so much so that he had become much happier and even decided to become a doctor. So how do you want to live your life?
You know, when we spend long hours alone, without talking to anyone, we think of many things, over and over again, the good become better, the bad become worse, everything goes totally off tangent to reality and we imagine many things and believe them to be true. Have you ever experienced something like that before? We totally give in to the tricks that our mind play on us, unable to maintain a centre. How I hope I can be more centered and be able to discern these thricks for what they are and not get taken in by them.
When you become totally useless, how are you to face the world? Just a burden to the world. Are you? We must be strong, there is still much we can do if we have our minds. That is what I feel, even if I am in Aya's case, I may be totally like her. Thinking that we are useless. That is normal. But I think if we train our minds, if we believe in something, then we have a way out.
To see your own daughter becoming like that before you...I don't know, is seeing your child die before you worse, or seeing you child become an invalid before you worse? I recall something a Zen Master wrote as a gift to a family: "Father die, son die, grandchild die". That is good, because everything is in order. But this, this is a totally different scenario..
Youknow, i think sometimes we just got to have more patience with ourselves and the things around us. The more i go through, the more i appreciate the value of patience. Patience is not controlling yourself and emotions like anger etc. Patience is not letting these thoughts have any grip on you, and dissolving these thoughts as the come. That is how I see it.
After her pneumonia episode, I think when Aya opens her eyes, she must be thinking, "OMG!! I am alive." They say it is good to live with that attitude everyday when we wake up. But without going through what Aya went through, is it really possible??
"Reality is too cruel, too bruttal. It wouln't let me have even a dream. When i think of the future, tears come again." That's why they say don't think so much. But how can we control, we cant control what we are thinking...it just comes...All the more we have to master ouselves and our minds...
"Where should I go?
Even if there is no answer, if I write, at least I'll feel better.
I am in need of a helping hand.
But i can neither see nor reach it.
Facing the darkness, all you hear are the echoes of my broken words."
From 1 litre of tears
Facing the darkness, you walk alone. But do you know because you write, you have become the light that brings darkness to the many who follow you. Your broken words have become the answer to others, your trembling hand, the helping hand to others, one that they can see and reach for.
Do not be greedy,
Do not give up.
Because everyone takes a step at a time,
It didn't matter how insignificant,
But I wanted to be useful to others.
Bowz, for most big tasks, we usually don't seem to be going anywhere, but if we stick to it, and continue sticking to it, one day, when we look back we will see that there is already a difference.
Aya says in this episode that she doesn't belong anywhere. I think we belong wherever we are, right at that spot. Usually we are the ones who come up with the idea that we do not.
In life, we affect people's lives and people affect ours without us knowing. Our thoughts, actions are all affected. And this, just totally changes the trajectory of our lives....Just like how Aya thinks that Asou has always been helping her. But she has influenced him so much so that he had become much happier and even decided to become a doctor. So how do you want to live your life?
You know, when we spend long hours alone, without talking to anyone, we think of many things, over and over again, the good become better, the bad become worse, everything goes totally off tangent to reality and we imagine many things and believe them to be true. Have you ever experienced something like that before? We totally give in to the tricks that our mind play on us, unable to maintain a centre. How I hope I can be more centered and be able to discern these thricks for what they are and not get taken in by them.
When you become totally useless, how are you to face the world? Just a burden to the world. Are you? We must be strong, there is still much we can do if we have our minds. That is what I feel, even if I am in Aya's case, I may be totally like her. Thinking that we are useless. That is normal. But I think if we train our minds, if we believe in something, then we have a way out.
To see your own daughter becoming like that before you...I don't know, is seeing your child die before you worse, or seeing you child become an invalid before you worse? I recall something a Zen Master wrote as a gift to a family: "Father die, son die, grandchild die". That is good, because everything is in order. But this, this is a totally different scenario..
Youknow, i think sometimes we just got to have more patience with ourselves and the things around us. The more i go through, the more i appreciate the value of patience. Patience is not controlling yourself and emotions like anger etc. Patience is not letting these thoughts have any grip on you, and dissolving these thoughts as the come. That is how I see it.
After her pneumonia episode, I think when Aya opens her eyes, she must be thinking, "OMG!! I am alive." They say it is good to live with that attitude everyday when we wake up. But without going through what Aya went through, is it really possible??
"Reality is too cruel, too bruttal. It wouln't let me have even a dream. When i think of the future, tears come again." That's why they say don't think so much. But how can we control, we cant control what we are thinking...it just comes...All the more we have to master ouselves and our minds...
"Where should I go?
Even if there is no answer, if I write, at least I'll feel better.
I am in need of a helping hand.
But i can neither see nor reach it.
Facing the darkness, all you hear are the echoes of my broken words."
From 1 litre of tears
Facing the darkness, you walk alone. But do you know because you write, you have become the light that brings darkness to the many who follow you. Your broken words have become the answer to others, your trembling hand, the helping hand to others, one that they can see and reach for.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Yay! It works!!
My bro just came back from a 1month retreat and i think it was truely beneficial. He gave me a good Dharma talk just now! I think it is really good. He just told me about the benefit of having good thoughts, positive thoughts. Pure and simple but with far reaching effects.
The Buddha said,
1. Prevent unwholesome thoughts from arising
2. Reduce unwholesome thoughts which have already arisen
3. Develop wholesome thoughts and emotions that have not yet arisen
4. Strengthen wholesome thoughts and emotions that have already arisen
Simple right? If we engage in this practice day in and day out. Then I do surely think we will become much happier people. :)
The Buddha said,
1. Prevent unwholesome thoughts from arising
2. Reduce unwholesome thoughts which have already arisen
3. Develop wholesome thoughts and emotions that have not yet arisen
4. Strengthen wholesome thoughts and emotions that have already arisen
Simple right? If we engage in this practice day in and day out. Then I do surely think we will become much happier people. :)
1 litre of tears part 7
"The seasons pass me by pretending not to notice a thing." Aya says in episode 9. Well, a Zen master would say, "Look at the sky, it is still blue, the clouds float by and the river still flows. Don't you notice that your problems all come from your own mind??"......I would say jiayou Aya!!
Moving into the new school, her mother asks, "Daijoubu?(Everything all right?)" Aya smiles and answers, "Daijoubu!(All right)" How reassuring. Hearing this line, how many hearts are put at rest. The power of one word.
Seeing the her roomie with the same illness but at a more advanced stage. I wonder what Aya is thinking. Maybe...OMG....am I going to be like her, having the same stunted speech as her? Seeing the future you as that day by day is really terrible...
Hearing how your child is going to slowly suffer and die from the doctor.....that must be really terrible and heart wrenching. Somtimes, you know, i am not a good counsellor, I usually know how they are feeling, but I do not know what to say to make it better. Wish I could do a bit more...
When you say something and people just don't get what you are talking abt....how annoying is that, how frustrating. Imagine having to deal with that 24/7. Maybe I would talk much less.... But i guess after sometime we can get used to it. But....not being able to talk so freely, i guess i will surely be quite down....drowned in my own negative thoughts and delusions...without anyone to talk to.
Aya says, she would not be able to walk with Asou any more, she would not be the Aya that went into High School with Asou. That they now live in two different worlds. When you set your heart on following someone through their whole life. What kind of vow are you making? When a person totally changes, physically(as in Aya's case) or mentally(as in go crazy) and not be the 'person' whom you dated or loved in the past. What would you do? What kind of commitment are you making? Is it even possible??? The person now that you see is totally different from the person whom you made the promise with. Is the promise even still valid? Are you now with a stranger or with the person whom you made the promise with? With a person who is invalid, but character and mentality is still stable, it may be more convincing to say that this is still the same person. But to a person who is mentally different, can you still say for sure that you would keep that vow and take care of that person? Are you not taking care of a stranger??? Think carefully, imagine, the only similar thing is the body, nothing else!
OMG! Aya's case of not being able to communicate with people because of her inability to talk properly reminds me of me and my grandma. My grandma cant talk much too....actually she can, but i do not understand her. Only my parents, the maid and my sis who stays with her understands. For me and her, i can only smile at her and talk one sidedly. The doc told Aya that the most impt thing is that she has the desire to communicate and the listener has the desire to listen. But in my case with my grandma, we both have the desire, but it still needs sometime and exposure i guess.
The sis says she wants to graduate in her Aya nee's(elder sis) place from Higashi High(which is a good school). Some ppl might tell her to live for herself, and not for someone else. But this is good isn't it? At least it gives her strength and she benefits her also(cos she was never much of a good student previously).
Aya said that in her dreams she usually saw herself running freely, but in today's dream, she saw herself in a wheel chair. She said that, she thought she had fully accepted her condition, but maybe deep in her heart she hasn't. Isn't this always the case, we bluff ourselves that it is ok, we have accepted it, but deep in our hearts, we never believed it to be true, we never accepted it....That's why I always question if we truely know our feelings. In Buddhism, we do meditation. What is meditation for? I think, it is to understand ourselves. To understand ourselves, how our mind works, understand our feelings. What do we really feel, what do we really think. Do not live in a lie, be true to yourself from your heart.
Asou tells her no matter how slow she talks, he would listen to her. Do you know how reassuring is that? But as normal ppl, do we have such strength? Such patience? Buddhism believe we can all do it. They believe the solution lies in the power of unconditionally doing things, the Buddhists believe we can do anything if we master that. Well, if you think through it, it does make some sense. He says, "Even though it wouldn't be like old times, our feelings are connected, so I don't think we live in separate worlds." Well, in Buddhism, I have read countless accounts of such realisations of masters that once they reach enlightenment, they realise that we are not separate, that we are not living in separate worlds. They realise that oneness in all and that's where we have great compassion for all beings, because we are never separate to start with but we have a mental construct that we are and this is our big problem. The realise the non subject-object and jump out of the dualistic world that we live in.
When you have no guarantee of the future, the present is the only thing you can live for. We only realise this when we have no guarantee of the future. But living like that, appreaciating every moment is what brings true joy. Because, every small thing that you receive, every moment that you are given, you are full of gratitude and joy.
My god, even though they say that this is only one life in many, but to undergo such adventures in this life, to live through it really requires 1 litre of tears and more.
In the last part of the episode, she says, doing the 'ma pa fa' speech rehab practice, she 'talks' to herself quite often. And it is no different from talking to somone else, that's why she does it so often.... I don't think i'll be able to do that. It is truely admirable. Her mindset and mentality is such, mine is totally different as i said earlier. She chooses to talk more to herself in a positive way and I will just let the disease and disablilty totally consume me and drown in it, sinking deeper. Our lives can go in totally different directions. How it is interesting that just a small difference in the way we see things can totally change the direction of our lives. But I guess that is human.
You know, sometimes, hearing the songs of this kind of series with moving stories and many feelings, when you hear the songs, the feelings come back. We say there is deep meaning in the song. Even though it may be in a totally different langeuage that you don't know. The songs still works and the feelings come back. But if a person who, or even i myself who has never seen the series hears the song, I may not even feel anything for the song....
Moving into the new school, her mother asks, "Daijoubu?(Everything all right?)" Aya smiles and answers, "Daijoubu!(All right)" How reassuring. Hearing this line, how many hearts are put at rest. The power of one word.
Seeing the her roomie with the same illness but at a more advanced stage. I wonder what Aya is thinking. Maybe...OMG....am I going to be like her, having the same stunted speech as her? Seeing the future you as that day by day is really terrible...
Hearing how your child is going to slowly suffer and die from the doctor.....that must be really terrible and heart wrenching. Somtimes, you know, i am not a good counsellor, I usually know how they are feeling, but I do not know what to say to make it better. Wish I could do a bit more...
When you say something and people just don't get what you are talking abt....how annoying is that, how frustrating. Imagine having to deal with that 24/7. Maybe I would talk much less.... But i guess after sometime we can get used to it. But....not being able to talk so freely, i guess i will surely be quite down....drowned in my own negative thoughts and delusions...without anyone to talk to.
Aya says, she would not be able to walk with Asou any more, she would not be the Aya that went into High School with Asou. That they now live in two different worlds. When you set your heart on following someone through their whole life. What kind of vow are you making? When a person totally changes, physically(as in Aya's case) or mentally(as in go crazy) and not be the 'person' whom you dated or loved in the past. What would you do? What kind of commitment are you making? Is it even possible??? The person now that you see is totally different from the person whom you made the promise with. Is the promise even still valid? Are you now with a stranger or with the person whom you made the promise with? With a person who is invalid, but character and mentality is still stable, it may be more convincing to say that this is still the same person. But to a person who is mentally different, can you still say for sure that you would keep that vow and take care of that person? Are you not taking care of a stranger??? Think carefully, imagine, the only similar thing is the body, nothing else!
OMG! Aya's case of not being able to communicate with people because of her inability to talk properly reminds me of me and my grandma. My grandma cant talk much too....actually she can, but i do not understand her. Only my parents, the maid and my sis who stays with her understands. For me and her, i can only smile at her and talk one sidedly. The doc told Aya that the most impt thing is that she has the desire to communicate and the listener has the desire to listen. But in my case with my grandma, we both have the desire, but it still needs sometime and exposure i guess.
The sis says she wants to graduate in her Aya nee's(elder sis) place from Higashi High(which is a good school). Some ppl might tell her to live for herself, and not for someone else. But this is good isn't it? At least it gives her strength and she benefits her also(cos she was never much of a good student previously).
Aya said that in her dreams she usually saw herself running freely, but in today's dream, she saw herself in a wheel chair. She said that, she thought she had fully accepted her condition, but maybe deep in her heart she hasn't. Isn't this always the case, we bluff ourselves that it is ok, we have accepted it, but deep in our hearts, we never believed it to be true, we never accepted it....That's why I always question if we truely know our feelings. In Buddhism, we do meditation. What is meditation for? I think, it is to understand ourselves. To understand ourselves, how our mind works, understand our feelings. What do we really feel, what do we really think. Do not live in a lie, be true to yourself from your heart.
Asou tells her no matter how slow she talks, he would listen to her. Do you know how reassuring is that? But as normal ppl, do we have such strength? Such patience? Buddhism believe we can all do it. They believe the solution lies in the power of unconditionally doing things, the Buddhists believe we can do anything if we master that. Well, if you think through it, it does make some sense. He says, "Even though it wouldn't be like old times, our feelings are connected, so I don't think we live in separate worlds." Well, in Buddhism, I have read countless accounts of such realisations of masters that once they reach enlightenment, they realise that we are not separate, that we are not living in separate worlds. They realise that oneness in all and that's where we have great compassion for all beings, because we are never separate to start with but we have a mental construct that we are and this is our big problem. The realise the non subject-object and jump out of the dualistic world that we live in.
When you have no guarantee of the future, the present is the only thing you can live for. We only realise this when we have no guarantee of the future. But living like that, appreaciating every moment is what brings true joy. Because, every small thing that you receive, every moment that you are given, you are full of gratitude and joy.
My god, even though they say that this is only one life in many, but to undergo such adventures in this life, to live through it really requires 1 litre of tears and more.
In the last part of the episode, she says, doing the 'ma pa fa' speech rehab practice, she 'talks' to herself quite often. And it is no different from talking to somone else, that's why she does it so often.... I don't think i'll be able to do that. It is truely admirable. Her mindset and mentality is such, mine is totally different as i said earlier. She chooses to talk more to herself in a positive way and I will just let the disease and disablilty totally consume me and drown in it, sinking deeper. Our lives can go in totally different directions. How it is interesting that just a small difference in the way we see things can totally change the direction of our lives. But I guess that is human.
You know, sometimes, hearing the songs of this kind of series with moving stories and many feelings, when you hear the songs, the feelings come back. We say there is deep meaning in the song. Even though it may be in a totally different langeuage that you don't know. The songs still works and the feelings come back. But if a person who, or even i myself who has never seen the series hears the song, I may not even feel anything for the song....
Friday, June 13, 2008
1 litre of tears part 6
In episode 8, Aya says that she knows one day she will have to make that decision whether to leave school. And that if she does leave, then it will be like something in her life has ended. This is true. But we go through these all the time, we just have to be with the feeling through and through and soon we will realise that the feeling will get lesser as the day goes by and new things start to take the place of the old in your lifes. Not as in your memories, but as in what you are doing now and what occupies your mind.
Aya was saying that when she goes to the new school she would not know anyone. But I think it is always difficult, the initial phase. But when you just do it, with an open heart and an open mind. You get through it. Jiayou Aya!!
Ako, Aya's sister was saying that if she studies real hard, she would be able to get into Higashi High(Aya's current school) and she can be of help to Aya. I think this shows a common phenomena that when there is a crisis and someone is in trouble, when we want to help them, we get the extra strength. Also it would pull the family closer together...
Seeing the class discussing abt the issue of Aya, some of her friends feeling the toll of always taking care of her, it reminds me how things are in this world. Once your friendship isn't enough to balance out the sacrifices, this happens. But this is very normal, in this world many things work like that, one's patience may be a lot, but over long periods, it gets worn down. So in the end, you break. The truth is that it is just not enough. That is no problem. We just have to carry on and think of other solutions. No use blaming anyone. This makes me think of what Buddhism always says, Unconditional Love, Unconditional Love. Aya's friend says she helps Aya because Aya is her friend. That is a condition, a condition, the fuel to help as I mentioned above. So once the fuel runs out, then that's it, no more help. So in unconditional, there is no such thing. there is only pure compassion, pure help, regardless of any relationship or any profit or loss. Some ppl may think if it is really possible. I can say yes. Just look at the saints, Mother Teresa, even recent Masters like Master Hsing Yun, Master Seung Sahn, Master Jing Kong, Master Sheng Yen, Master Shinjo Ito and many others, they just do it. If you think to the end, there is no reason for them to do. But they just do it. We may think we are not saints, how can we be expected to do such a thing. But then, to be able to do such a thing, isn't it great? If we just try bit by bit each day. Before we know it, we may be there one day. With all our defilements, all our wants for ourself, all our vices, we may be there with them one day. So for now, we just do what we can, not thinking of gaining, not thinking of any condition. we just try our best. If we cannot do it anymore, then we can only say sorry to the person, we have tried our best. But through the struggle, there can be no regrets, because we have tried our best.
When ppl scold us for our lack of effort, our lack of compassion, our lack of wisdom, our lack of strength, what can we say, we may have a lot of it, but the truth is that it is just not enough. And that is what they are saying so what they say is the truth. So we do not need to defend ourselves or anything. We should just keep on trying. Keep on trying may sound stupid, why keep on trying? Well, there is a stage of trying without trying. Once you get used to always trying, it becomes part of your system. Not to try too hard, but just try, try just enough. The important thing is what my brother always says, to achieve maximum sustainability. What is try just enough? Just enough so that you can keep on trying non-stop. So that you will not like try so super hard and the next day you get totally shagged out and not want to try anymore. No, that is not the way to do things. We try just right, if it is getting too tiring for us, then we cut ourselves some slack. They may say we lack this and that today, it is okay, because if we keep on trying, one day we will make it.
Also, when we see that people have tried their best and it is not enough. Even if the result is terrible, we should not scold them. They have already tried their best. But sometimes scolding is good. Because it motivates them. So basically, regardless the method, the important thing is to keep motivating people.
We may hate two faced people, show and say one thing but do and mean another. But realise that this is a normal way of things in this society. Get used to it already! This is not what they actually want to do, but just do it unknowingly as this is the only way they know to make less problems for themselves and the society. All humans are selfish. We are not excluded. Understanding that, is there anything to be angry about? Is there anything to blame about? We should just help.
Asou says he is just a damn kid, all talk only(after he scolds the class for their two faced behavior of always saying good things infront of Aya but behind her they are actually thinking of chasing her out of school). Sometimes i think this is very normal. We are all like that. One moment we can be full upright, full of morals, saying all the 'right' things, but most of the time we are really not so morally upright. I think it is normal. Somtimes these talk only ppl are good and useful. Imagine if they do not say anything, no one will reflect on themselves. And then there can be no positive change. So sometimes, we must say and should say. But at the same time, we understand that no one is perfect, everyone is still human, 'a bodhisattva in training', to say it in a buddhist way. So when we meet these all talk ppl, we understand. Nothing to get angry about, Nothing to blame about. But we encourage them to live up to their words too. That is how I think.
After crying and talking to Asou, Aya smiles through her tears ad says "Bye Bye" at the bridge overlooking her school. I think this is how it is. It is ok to cry, to struggle, to be in the depths of sadness and pain. Don't have to block that or try to avoid that. Because, it is only after thoroughly going through these pain, crying, suffering of the part of you that you know being torn away from you that you are able to move on and say Bye bye.
Seeing how Aya says how she loves her dad and her mum and how she loves everybody, saying how all of them lifts her up by calling her big sis. I think that is what we should hope to be to other people. The source of hope, love and support of other people. I think only being so makes our lives worth living.
Wow!! What a great speech!! Aya's farewell speech to her class before she transfers to the disability school. She says, over the past year, things she has been able to do in the past have began to diminish one by one. In her dreams she is able to walk and talk normally to her friends, but when she wakes up she has a body which is not able to move freely. Her life has changed totally. What can she do to prevent a fall when she walks? What can she do to finish her lunch faster? What can she do to not let ppl's stares bother her? She can't function unless she consciously thinks of such stuff. Go to high school, then college, then get a job, How she originally pictured her future to be has been totally reduced to zero. She couldn't find how she should live her life. And she couldn't even see a small ray of hope. And she has thought countless times how the disease has shattered her life. But...but....this is reality no matter how sad. She can't escape the disease no matter how hard she cries (this is usually the case, but the crying and realising part is very necessary i think. the disease is karma, but how you look at it is not and you can decide that), and she can't turn back time no matter how much she wants to recapture the past. If that's the case then she need to start loving herself as she is now. That is what she thought. Because there are so many things she realised since she became affected by the disease. Like what a blessing it is just to have your family around(especially a complete and joyful one). or the warmth of a friends' touch when they subtly lend a hand. Or how extremely fortunate we are just to be healthy(so that's why i think we should use this health well and not waste it Sometimes, we do not realise how fortunate we are until we lose everything. When we lose everything then we realise how much we actually had and have now... It is when we return to zero, then we know and can see. If we just only knew). Not all were lost just because she got ill. That body of her's is her. The burden of disability that she is carrying, that is her. The person that she is now is who she is. She has decided to live with pride. that'swhy she has decided to go to the disability school........She and her classmates may exist in two different worlds but she wants to find light in every step she takes. For her to be able to say that with a smile, she probably has to shed a litre of tears(so that's where the name of the show comes from..) That's why she will never think that something in her life has ended when she leaves that school. Everyone, thank you for your kindness up till now.
Aya was saying that when she goes to the new school she would not know anyone. But I think it is always difficult, the initial phase. But when you just do it, with an open heart and an open mind. You get through it. Jiayou Aya!!
Ako, Aya's sister was saying that if she studies real hard, she would be able to get into Higashi High(Aya's current school) and she can be of help to Aya. I think this shows a common phenomena that when there is a crisis and someone is in trouble, when we want to help them, we get the extra strength. Also it would pull the family closer together...
Seeing the class discussing abt the issue of Aya, some of her friends feeling the toll of always taking care of her, it reminds me how things are in this world. Once your friendship isn't enough to balance out the sacrifices, this happens. But this is very normal, in this world many things work like that, one's patience may be a lot, but over long periods, it gets worn down. So in the end, you break. The truth is that it is just not enough. That is no problem. We just have to carry on and think of other solutions. No use blaming anyone. This makes me think of what Buddhism always says, Unconditional Love, Unconditional Love. Aya's friend says she helps Aya because Aya is her friend. That is a condition, a condition, the fuel to help as I mentioned above. So once the fuel runs out, then that's it, no more help. So in unconditional, there is no such thing. there is only pure compassion, pure help, regardless of any relationship or any profit or loss. Some ppl may think if it is really possible. I can say yes. Just look at the saints, Mother Teresa, even recent Masters like Master Hsing Yun, Master Seung Sahn, Master Jing Kong, Master Sheng Yen, Master Shinjo Ito and many others, they just do it. If you think to the end, there is no reason for them to do. But they just do it. We may think we are not saints, how can we be expected to do such a thing. But then, to be able to do such a thing, isn't it great? If we just try bit by bit each day. Before we know it, we may be there one day. With all our defilements, all our wants for ourself, all our vices, we may be there with them one day. So for now, we just do what we can, not thinking of gaining, not thinking of any condition. we just try our best. If we cannot do it anymore, then we can only say sorry to the person, we have tried our best. But through the struggle, there can be no regrets, because we have tried our best.
When ppl scold us for our lack of effort, our lack of compassion, our lack of wisdom, our lack of strength, what can we say, we may have a lot of it, but the truth is that it is just not enough. And that is what they are saying so what they say is the truth. So we do not need to defend ourselves or anything. We should just keep on trying. Keep on trying may sound stupid, why keep on trying? Well, there is a stage of trying without trying. Once you get used to always trying, it becomes part of your system. Not to try too hard, but just try, try just enough. The important thing is what my brother always says, to achieve maximum sustainability. What is try just enough? Just enough so that you can keep on trying non-stop. So that you will not like try so super hard and the next day you get totally shagged out and not want to try anymore. No, that is not the way to do things. We try just right, if it is getting too tiring for us, then we cut ourselves some slack. They may say we lack this and that today, it is okay, because if we keep on trying, one day we will make it.
Also, when we see that people have tried their best and it is not enough. Even if the result is terrible, we should not scold them. They have already tried their best. But sometimes scolding is good. Because it motivates them. So basically, regardless the method, the important thing is to keep motivating people.
We may hate two faced people, show and say one thing but do and mean another. But realise that this is a normal way of things in this society. Get used to it already! This is not what they actually want to do, but just do it unknowingly as this is the only way they know to make less problems for themselves and the society. All humans are selfish. We are not excluded. Understanding that, is there anything to be angry about? Is there anything to blame about? We should just help.
Asou says he is just a damn kid, all talk only(after he scolds the class for their two faced behavior of always saying good things infront of Aya but behind her they are actually thinking of chasing her out of school). Sometimes i think this is very normal. We are all like that. One moment we can be full upright, full of morals, saying all the 'right' things, but most of the time we are really not so morally upright. I think it is normal. Somtimes these talk only ppl are good and useful. Imagine if they do not say anything, no one will reflect on themselves. And then there can be no positive change. So sometimes, we must say and should say. But at the same time, we understand that no one is perfect, everyone is still human, 'a bodhisattva in training', to say it in a buddhist way. So when we meet these all talk ppl, we understand. Nothing to get angry about, Nothing to blame about. But we encourage them to live up to their words too. That is how I think.
After crying and talking to Asou, Aya smiles through her tears ad says "Bye Bye" at the bridge overlooking her school. I think this is how it is. It is ok to cry, to struggle, to be in the depths of sadness and pain. Don't have to block that or try to avoid that. Because, it is only after thoroughly going through these pain, crying, suffering of the part of you that you know being torn away from you that you are able to move on and say Bye bye.
Seeing how Aya says how she loves her dad and her mum and how she loves everybody, saying how all of them lifts her up by calling her big sis. I think that is what we should hope to be to other people. The source of hope, love and support of other people. I think only being so makes our lives worth living.
Wow!! What a great speech!! Aya's farewell speech to her class before she transfers to the disability school. She says, over the past year, things she has been able to do in the past have began to diminish one by one. In her dreams she is able to walk and talk normally to her friends, but when she wakes up she has a body which is not able to move freely. Her life has changed totally. What can she do to prevent a fall when she walks? What can she do to finish her lunch faster? What can she do to not let ppl's stares bother her? She can't function unless she consciously thinks of such stuff. Go to high school, then college, then get a job, How she originally pictured her future to be has been totally reduced to zero. She couldn't find how she should live her life. And she couldn't even see a small ray of hope. And she has thought countless times how the disease has shattered her life. But...but....this is reality no matter how sad. She can't escape the disease no matter how hard she cries (this is usually the case, but the crying and realising part is very necessary i think. the disease is karma, but how you look at it is not and you can decide that), and she can't turn back time no matter how much she wants to recapture the past. If that's the case then she need to start loving herself as she is now. That is what she thought. Because there are so many things she realised since she became affected by the disease. Like what a blessing it is just to have your family around(especially a complete and joyful one). or the warmth of a friends' touch when they subtly lend a hand. Or how extremely fortunate we are just to be healthy(so that's why i think we should use this health well and not waste it Sometimes, we do not realise how fortunate we are until we lose everything. When we lose everything then we realise how much we actually had and have now... It is when we return to zero, then we know and can see. If we just only knew). Not all were lost just because she got ill. That body of her's is her. The burden of disability that she is carrying, that is her. The person that she is now is who she is. She has decided to live with pride. that'swhy she has decided to go to the disability school........She and her classmates may exist in two different worlds but she wants to find light in every step she takes. For her to be able to say that with a smile, she probably has to shed a litre of tears(so that's where the name of the show comes from..) That's why she will never think that something in her life has ended when she leaves that school. Everyone, thank you for your kindness up till now.
She leaves the episode with the last words, "So what if you fall, as long as you get up again. If you lok up at the sky when you fall, the vast blue sky is smiling at you today too. I am alive"
1 litre of tears part 5
"As long as I am alive, I might as well be of use to other ppl." Well, that is how i see it too. If not I really do not know what we this life is good for. Although many times we still have self serving thoughts and bad thoughts, I think it is inevitable as we are all humans. But as long as we have this aim and strive towards it bit by bit, step by step. I think one days we can fully and totally achieve this aim. Is that what they call the Bodhisattva spirit in Buddhism?
The part where her friends blame her for not telling her...bah...kids.....ok patience......
To see an illness as not a misfortune, but an inconvenience. I think that's quite Buddhistic and high level. But beyond that, ppl still get angry at inconveniences. To see an inconvenience as part of life. I think that would be truely remarkable. However, passing the misfortune part, especially for such a serious illness.....I do not know if i am able to do that. Would the many years of Buddhism training be of use? Have I assimilated it yet? I am not sure too..
Asou was saying to Aya that how nice her family was. How nice that she has a place to belong... This place to belong...I too have such a place. And I don't think i'll ever understand the kind of loneliness....But this place to belong..will change..How will we deal with it, can we deal with it? I think that is impt. THis place to belong, on one hand it may be like our family and friends. On another level, it may just be the we that we know of, the 'i'. OUr 'comfort zone'. Are we ready to step out into the unknown?
Mari, Aya's fren stayed in the team in jr high because Aya was there.. Because you were there that's why i could go on. And you suddenly left. How can I blame her for being kids? It is a very human emotion that ppl of all ages possess. Hahaha! I judged too soon. Actually reflecting, many ppl regardless of age can become very childish at times. Acting like kids, they themselves would not know but the people beside them see it very clearly and they refuse to believe it when you tell them, jus like kids. Yes they would think out some sofisticated reason to justify their actions..but just to justify their kiddish actions. This is human. I am not excluded!
These japanese mums..how do they do it? Work and cook? Is that for real????
When Aya finds out that she her parents started looking for special schools for her, she told them that she should decide her future for herself. She knows that she had to give up many things. But giving up her friends, then she will cease to be her....well...it is difficult...but be courageous...We really don't know the despair that she is going through and what had brought her thus far.
In the parent teacher meeting, the mother was grilled on why her daughter is still here in the school as she is inconveniencing everyone... Well, every parent for their own child. It is normal human nature. But do we truely understand each other? When this parents grill Aya's mum, is it wrong? I do not think so. I think this is how society works. Everyone for their own survival. We stay in this world and society, this is how it works. Even if we were them, we would do exactly the same thing. So we can't blame people. It is quite understandable. There is a ways out and that is unless we can change the whole bunch of the society around us. If not it will not be helpful.
"Would you wait until she(Aya) comes up with the answer herself(whether she should leave school)?" I think that is the best. we would if it is within our means. Great compassion.
""Ah, I am so glad." It is alright for me to think that I wasn't always a burden to them, isn't it?" I guess it would help. If it helps we should do it.
The part where her friends blame her for not telling her...bah...kids.....ok patience......
To see an illness as not a misfortune, but an inconvenience. I think that's quite Buddhistic and high level. But beyond that, ppl still get angry at inconveniences. To see an inconvenience as part of life. I think that would be truely remarkable. However, passing the misfortune part, especially for such a serious illness.....I do not know if i am able to do that. Would the many years of Buddhism training be of use? Have I assimilated it yet? I am not sure too..
Asou was saying to Aya that how nice her family was. How nice that she has a place to belong... This place to belong...I too have such a place. And I don't think i'll ever understand the kind of loneliness....But this place to belong..will change..How will we deal with it, can we deal with it? I think that is impt. THis place to belong, on one hand it may be like our family and friends. On another level, it may just be the we that we know of, the 'i'. OUr 'comfort zone'. Are we ready to step out into the unknown?
Mari, Aya's fren stayed in the team in jr high because Aya was there.. Because you were there that's why i could go on. And you suddenly left. How can I blame her for being kids? It is a very human emotion that ppl of all ages possess. Hahaha! I judged too soon. Actually reflecting, many ppl regardless of age can become very childish at times. Acting like kids, they themselves would not know but the people beside them see it very clearly and they refuse to believe it when you tell them, jus like kids. Yes they would think out some sofisticated reason to justify their actions..but just to justify their kiddish actions. This is human. I am not excluded!
These japanese mums..how do they do it? Work and cook? Is that for real????
When Aya finds out that she her parents started looking for special schools for her, she told them that she should decide her future for herself. She knows that she had to give up many things. But giving up her friends, then she will cease to be her....well...it is difficult...but be courageous...We really don't know the despair that she is going through and what had brought her thus far.
In the parent teacher meeting, the mother was grilled on why her daughter is still here in the school as she is inconveniencing everyone... Well, every parent for their own child. It is normal human nature. But do we truely understand each other? When this parents grill Aya's mum, is it wrong? I do not think so. I think this is how society works. Everyone for their own survival. We stay in this world and society, this is how it works. Even if we were them, we would do exactly the same thing. So we can't blame people. It is quite understandable. There is a ways out and that is unless we can change the whole bunch of the society around us. If not it will not be helpful.
"Would you wait until she(Aya) comes up with the answer herself(whether she should leave school)?" I think that is the best. we would if it is within our means. Great compassion.
""Ah, I am so glad." It is alright for me to think that I wasn't always a burden to them, isn't it?" I guess it would help. If it helps we should do it.
1 litre of tears part 4
At the end of the fifth episode, she says, "In the clear blue sky, the clouds float by." I guess it is during this time when we truely put down everthing that we would notice such stuff...
Even though we cannot do many things, we try our best in the things that we can. Till one day when we cannot do anything. Then we do not do anything. But knowing we have not wasted the time that we could do things, we should be satisfied.
Seeing the stares she receives when she boards the bus in episode 6 makes me think that we should actually smile at the diabled when we see them. Well, then again, they may think that we are just being nice to them since they are disabled. Some want to be a part of society like normal ppl. And by doing anything special, we are making them stick out in society...so what should we do.....of course not stare at them. But smile at them? Or ignore them? Well....I guess I would choose to be friendly.
When the younger brother scores a goal for his team, the whole family is happy. The parents are happy. Proud of their children they say. I still don't really understand that. I would just say well done.
Even though we cannot do many things, we try our best in the things that we can. Till one day when we cannot do anything. Then we do not do anything. But knowing we have not wasted the time that we could do things, we should be satisfied.
Seeing the stares she receives when she boards the bus in episode 6 makes me think that we should actually smile at the diabled when we see them. Well, then again, they may think that we are just being nice to them since they are disabled. Some want to be a part of society like normal ppl. And by doing anything special, we are making them stick out in society...so what should we do.....of course not stare at them. But smile at them? Or ignore them? Well....I guess I would choose to be friendly.
When the younger brother scores a goal for his team, the whole family is happy. The parents are happy. Proud of their children they say. I still don't really understand that. I would just say well done.
1 litre of tears part 3
Inconveniencing everyone, yet having to say sorry to everyone with a smile....that is truely a tough order...having to face that kind of stare, wish to just disappear into thin air....
That heart to carry on struggling. To only go forward. I think that is the only prove of our worth.
Sometimes we may advice ppl not to do things, not to fall into traps. But they do not listen. What can we do? I think sometimes it is better to just let them experience it for themselves rather than create more negativity between the two parties.. It is a phase of growing up. They have to experience it themselves to learn and grow up and become stronger. We can only stand by and watch and cushion their fall. My dad always says that is it better to keep the communication channel open between two ppl rather than break it. Cos once broken, even if you want to help, you would not be able to do anything.
In episode 5, when they break the news of Aya's illness to the family, the younger sister, Ako, says that they can't just sudedenly say things like that. That there is no cure for the illness. And she is lost and asks what she should do. The father then explains that it is simple, when a person is in need, we help. When a person is sad and cry, we ask what is wrong. this reminds me of the what Maser Seung Sahn used to say of when is person is hungry you give them food. Basic thing, basic compassion. Many times i think we have this heart, but due to other things like pride, we do not extend our hand. Actually things may just be so simple.
Aya says 'I am...who I am" which is contrary to the 'Yesterday's Aya is no more'. Which means, this 'I', this "Aya' changes every single moment. So when I say I, I am the I now, not just now, not yeterday, not tmr. I am the I now.This is to be in oneness with who you are in the moment. Which means you have no delusion that you are something other than who you are. For example, Aya is not stuck with the image of who she was in the past, that she is a basketball player with everything in the world. She accepts who she is now, someone who cannot really walk well, a disabled. And I think that's where we can start to work things out.
That heart to carry on struggling. To only go forward. I think that is the only prove of our worth.
Sometimes we may advice ppl not to do things, not to fall into traps. But they do not listen. What can we do? I think sometimes it is better to just let them experience it for themselves rather than create more negativity between the two parties.. It is a phase of growing up. They have to experience it themselves to learn and grow up and become stronger. We can only stand by and watch and cushion their fall. My dad always says that is it better to keep the communication channel open between two ppl rather than break it. Cos once broken, even if you want to help, you would not be able to do anything.
In episode 5, when they break the news of Aya's illness to the family, the younger sister, Ako, says that they can't just sudedenly say things like that. That there is no cure for the illness. And she is lost and asks what she should do. The father then explains that it is simple, when a person is in need, we help. When a person is sad and cry, we ask what is wrong. this reminds me of the what Maser Seung Sahn used to say of when is person is hungry you give them food. Basic thing, basic compassion. Many times i think we have this heart, but due to other things like pride, we do not extend our hand. Actually things may just be so simple.
Aya says 'I am...who I am" which is contrary to the 'Yesterday's Aya is no more'. Which means, this 'I', this "Aya' changes every single moment. So when I say I, I am the I now, not just now, not yeterday, not tmr. I am the I now.This is to be in oneness with who you are in the moment. Which means you have no delusion that you are something other than who you are. For example, Aya is not stuck with the image of who she was in the past, that she is a basketball player with everything in the world. She accepts who she is now, someone who cannot really walk well, a disabled. And I think that's where we can start to work things out.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
1 litre of tears part 2
Then she gets invited on a date with a senior she likes.. she initially agrees happily. Well..he is also happy. But then she thinks, that now she is sick, should she carry on this? When my future is unknown, how can i prmise anything to anyone?......When my own future is unknown. That is also one of the most scariest things....how do we deal with such things....
But then her mom encourages her to go...saying that is what girls should do at high school. When ppl look at you, they have no idea what is happening, so they talk to u like nothing is happening. So you smile and agree...they do not have to know of such things... And there is no harm in agreeing to something that would make someone happier. Anyway we do not have much time left. We should use our lives well in bringing some joy, love and hope into other ppl's lives. That is how i think. we just try our best and that is enough. If best is not good enough...that's too bad.
At the same time, I think the stress on her parents must be tremendous. With the mother working in a position that requires her to deal with people. How can she gold up to such a stress. Even though I may not know or cannot fanthom what is going through a parents' mind at this moment. I guess it must have been very difficult for them too.
When facing the loss of a loved one...I guess there is no two way abt it. we just have to move on. If not we will be stuck with and in their death and loss. And we will be lost to those around us who love us.---From seeing how the guy Asou behaves...
Sitting on the bus to meet her date, she looks at the scenery outside..knowing she will not be able to see them much longer...they are but something so distant right now(just a personal thought)
But as she reaches the zoo, she looks at the penguins and the kids laughter and enjoyment. She laughs to herself. Infected by their laughter, suddenly your own feelings do not matter anymore. Anyway, there will be no more you in no time. You have prepared yourself for that........ Just for that moment.
When the senior din come but Asou came, she said that somewhere in her heart, she knew that he wouldn't come. She then told Asou that they said she would gradually be unable to walk or talk. And would not be able to pronounce her words properly. Asou once said that humans are the only greedy creatures, knowing that they are about to die yet try to find all ways and means to live longer. But the girl, Aya Ikeuchi then asks if it is really wrong. I interpret it to mean that is it really too much to ask for. At the ending of that episode, the real Aya writes that she wanted to build a time machine to return to the past and if it wasn't for the disease, she would be in love. And that she wanted to cling someone's arm so badly.
Well...the greed part sounds a bit Buddhistic to me. That's what Buddhism always talks abt right, attachment, greed etc. However, in this case, is it really it? Well...I do think so. But Aya is but a normal human, not some Buddhist saint. Is it really wrong to want those things? Is it really wrong to want more? She is only 15 years old, there is still so much she wants to do! So is it wrong? I do not think so... But the waves of the disease just totally sweeps everything away.. What can we do? We are actually powerless to do anything. We can try the best we can but we cannot chase such stuff anymore...You will come to understand soon.....It is better to go with the waves and create something useful out of it. But when the waves prevent us and straps us down. i think we should go with it and continue to try to work with it as best as we can. Fight what can be fought, not what cannot be fought. But I think it is not wrong.....it truely is heart wrenching...but i think it is a process that we must go through. I am not excluded.
But then her mom encourages her to go...saying that is what girls should do at high school. When ppl look at you, they have no idea what is happening, so they talk to u like nothing is happening. So you smile and agree...they do not have to know of such things... And there is no harm in agreeing to something that would make someone happier. Anyway we do not have much time left. We should use our lives well in bringing some joy, love and hope into other ppl's lives. That is how i think. we just try our best and that is enough. If best is not good enough...that's too bad.
At the same time, I think the stress on her parents must be tremendous. With the mother working in a position that requires her to deal with people. How can she gold up to such a stress. Even though I may not know or cannot fanthom what is going through a parents' mind at this moment. I guess it must have been very difficult for them too.
When facing the loss of a loved one...I guess there is no two way abt it. we just have to move on. If not we will be stuck with and in their death and loss. And we will be lost to those around us who love us.---From seeing how the guy Asou behaves...
Sitting on the bus to meet her date, she looks at the scenery outside..knowing she will not be able to see them much longer...they are but something so distant right now(just a personal thought)
But as she reaches the zoo, she looks at the penguins and the kids laughter and enjoyment. She laughs to herself. Infected by their laughter, suddenly your own feelings do not matter anymore. Anyway, there will be no more you in no time. You have prepared yourself for that........ Just for that moment.
When the senior din come but Asou came, she said that somewhere in her heart, she knew that he wouldn't come. She then told Asou that they said she would gradually be unable to walk or talk. And would not be able to pronounce her words properly. Asou once said that humans are the only greedy creatures, knowing that they are about to die yet try to find all ways and means to live longer. But the girl, Aya Ikeuchi then asks if it is really wrong. I interpret it to mean that is it really too much to ask for. At the ending of that episode, the real Aya writes that she wanted to build a time machine to return to the past and if it wasn't for the disease, she would be in love. And that she wanted to cling someone's arm so badly.
Well...the greed part sounds a bit Buddhistic to me. That's what Buddhism always talks abt right, attachment, greed etc. However, in this case, is it really it? Well...I do think so. But Aya is but a normal human, not some Buddhist saint. Is it really wrong to want those things? Is it really wrong to want more? She is only 15 years old, there is still so much she wants to do! So is it wrong? I do not think so... But the waves of the disease just totally sweeps everything away.. What can we do? We are actually powerless to do anything. We can try the best we can but we cannot chase such stuff anymore...You will come to understand soon.....It is better to go with the waves and create something useful out of it. But when the waves prevent us and straps us down. i think we should go with it and continue to try to work with it as best as we can. Fight what can be fought, not what cannot be fought. But I think it is not wrong.....it truely is heart wrenching...but i think it is a process that we must go through. I am not excluded.
1 litre of tears part 1
This show is about a 15 year old girl who developed a spino cerebullar degenerative disease and how she suffers with it, how she deals with it, together with her family and friends. I actually just watched the 2hr 20 min special. And i think it is a really great show, in that after watching it, I begin to reflect about my own life, how I deal with things. What would I do if I were her..
Now I just started watching the series. I'll just blog my thoughts as I go along.
Up to Episode 4: She walks along the same route to school, thinking, "Though I am seeing the same view like yesterday, walking the same road as yesterday, my whole world has totally changed. Surely I will never laugh like that again." How true is this, one day your world was perfect, the next it totally shatters, everything you know, seems to be different. Everything is different. It is almost like a dream, how can this happen?? How can this happen?? How can this be?? Just yesterday everything was fine, now it is totally changed. Do you understand? Without going through an great experience, of loss, of change...i think we can never thuely understand. It is like a dream, but this dream plays on. There is no getting out. Is that why the Buddhist teachings teach that life is just like a dream?? Since there is no getting out, I think there is only one way forward...what i just said are my thoughts...but i think it mirrors her's. Or is it because it mirrors mine...
What would happen if I too lost my ability to move, things that I have always taken for granted. Actually, this may sound strange, that's why since young, I have always prepared myself for this. I would always play the blind game and go around the house with my eyes closed, feeling my way across the room, across the house. Walk with the least amount of strength and muscle work, climb the stairs that way. But it seems it is inevitable. Preparing for that day. Have I done what I wanted to do. Will i cling on like how she does? I do not know. Ideally Buddhistically, one should not do so. But no one knows if i can accomplish that, until the real day comes or when the disease strikes. Will i be able to let it go..
She then says, " The old me no longer exist." I would like to add that the old life no longer exist.
Actually I think losing the control of your body when your mind still knows what is happening is the most scariest thing.
Now I just started watching the series. I'll just blog my thoughts as I go along.
Up to Episode 4: She walks along the same route to school, thinking, "Though I am seeing the same view like yesterday, walking the same road as yesterday, my whole world has totally changed. Surely I will never laugh like that again." How true is this, one day your world was perfect, the next it totally shatters, everything you know, seems to be different. Everything is different. It is almost like a dream, how can this happen?? How can this happen?? How can this be?? Just yesterday everything was fine, now it is totally changed. Do you understand? Without going through an great experience, of loss, of change...i think we can never thuely understand. It is like a dream, but this dream plays on. There is no getting out. Is that why the Buddhist teachings teach that life is just like a dream?? Since there is no getting out, I think there is only one way forward...what i just said are my thoughts...but i think it mirrors her's. Or is it because it mirrors mine...
What would happen if I too lost my ability to move, things that I have always taken for granted. Actually, this may sound strange, that's why since young, I have always prepared myself for this. I would always play the blind game and go around the house with my eyes closed, feeling my way across the room, across the house. Walk with the least amount of strength and muscle work, climb the stairs that way. But it seems it is inevitable. Preparing for that day. Have I done what I wanted to do. Will i cling on like how she does? I do not know. Ideally Buddhistically, one should not do so. But no one knows if i can accomplish that, until the real day comes or when the disease strikes. Will i be able to let it go..
She then says, " The old me no longer exist." I would like to add that the old life no longer exist.
Actually I think losing the control of your body when your mind still knows what is happening is the most scariest thing.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Mistakes, Regret, what do we do?
Let's say we make decision today. 10 years later, we realise it to be a bad decision which brings innumerable bad repercussions.
How would we feel?
Deep regret. We would want to change it, make time go back, we would do anything at all, anything at all, we would want to salvage it.
But, there is nothing we can do about it. The hurt and damage is already done.
What happens?
Hurt, pain, wanting to kill ourselves over it. The feeling of deep hurt, pain, regret, it is just so uncomfortable we just want to kill ourselves or someone over it.
OR
What happens?
We recognise our mistake. We recognise that we were young, impulsive, had a lack of foresight, had a lack of judgement, was naive, was lacking in wisdom, that at the time when we made the decision, it was with all our training in decision making from all of the years of our lives up to that point. It was to the best of our ability, with all the available information! If we could go back in time, without the knowledge of what we would know of the future, with our inmature mind and self, with our lack of wisdom, lack of judgement, lack of foresight, we would make exactly the same decision, there would be no difference at all! It was already to the best of our ability with the circumstances we had then! It couldn't have happened any differently. Even if we knew something more, within the stresses of the circumstances then, we might have done exactly the same thing then!! So how? What could we do? We feel deep regret, like it is tearing us apart. But only feeling regret and doing things like injuring oneself and others is no use and not beneficial to anyone. We need to turn this regret and channel it in a positive way, to help someone, to be of service to somebody, to make things better for people, to make ourselves wiser, to improve our foresight, to improve our judgement, to analyse the problem and make sure that we do not make this mistake again. This regret may never leave us and be with us always. But gradually, over time, we learn to live with it, just like how we live with scars. They are but part and parcel of this life. So do not let it consume your life, do not give it more power to wreck your life than it already has. Life goes on, the sky is still blue, and flowers bloom again, that's life.
How would we feel?
Deep regret. We would want to change it, make time go back, we would do anything at all, anything at all, we would want to salvage it.
But, there is nothing we can do about it. The hurt and damage is already done.
What happens?
Hurt, pain, wanting to kill ourselves over it. The feeling of deep hurt, pain, regret, it is just so uncomfortable we just want to kill ourselves or someone over it.
OR
What happens?
We recognise our mistake. We recognise that we were young, impulsive, had a lack of foresight, had a lack of judgement, was naive, was lacking in wisdom, that at the time when we made the decision, it was with all our training in decision making from all of the years of our lives up to that point. It was to the best of our ability, with all the available information! If we could go back in time, without the knowledge of what we would know of the future, with our inmature mind and self, with our lack of wisdom, lack of judgement, lack of foresight, we would make exactly the same decision, there would be no difference at all! It was already to the best of our ability with the circumstances we had then! It couldn't have happened any differently. Even if we knew something more, within the stresses of the circumstances then, we might have done exactly the same thing then!! So how? What could we do? We feel deep regret, like it is tearing us apart. But only feeling regret and doing things like injuring oneself and others is no use and not beneficial to anyone. We need to turn this regret and channel it in a positive way, to help someone, to be of service to somebody, to make things better for people, to make ourselves wiser, to improve our foresight, to improve our judgement, to analyse the problem and make sure that we do not make this mistake again. This regret may never leave us and be with us always. But gradually, over time, we learn to live with it, just like how we live with scars. They are but part and parcel of this life. So do not let it consume your life, do not give it more power to wreck your life than it already has. Life goes on, the sky is still blue, and flowers bloom again, that's life.
Things we can do
Trying to help, in the end I couldn't do anything at all. Trying not to create trouble, in the end, more troubles are created. Dealing with a person who thinks he/she knows, thinking things out of thin air, imagining things and believing them to be real, refusing to listen to anything, what can I do? What can I do? Totalling nothing at all!!
But this is normal, sometimes, conditions are not right.....we can only hang in there and just move on...patience is needed
But this is normal, sometimes, conditions are not right.....we can only hang in there and just move on...patience is needed
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Dharma In Action - Buddhist Youth Conference 2008
Dharma In Action - Buddhist Youth Conference 2008
Calling all engaged Buddhist youths and Buddhist Youth Leaders!
You believe in Buddhism and its value to today's society. You have always thought of doing more for Buddhism and you are constantly seeking new channels to reach out and share the wonderful Teachings.
Dharma In Action: Buddhist Youth Conference 2008 (www.dharmainaction.net) will be a platform for all Buddhists to gather and share experiences in organizing Buddhist activities and Dharma propagation. On 23 August 2008, we will be discussing milestone Buddhist events organized both in Singapore and overseas. Major lessons learnt will be shared together with the ups and downs of organizing such activities. The speakers will also be sharing with us on their motivations and what keep them going.
Following lunch, we will continue our discussion on the various efforts expended by Buddhists in both music and entrepreneurship. We will explore music and its role in Dharma propagation. We will also be speaking to Buddhists who are entrepreneurs to hear their thoughts on how Buddhism helps them in their businesses.
If you are looking to meet like-minded Buddhist youths or seeking new ideas in Dharma propagation, join us at the conference!
For more details on the event, please log into our website at www.DharmaInAction.net or contact the following:
Bro Victor Lim
9852-2492
sadhu@singnet.com.sg
Bro Teo Puay Kim
9820-7295
puaykim@gmail.com
Calling all engaged Buddhist youths and Buddhist Youth Leaders!
You believe in Buddhism and its value to today's society. You have always thought of doing more for Buddhism and you are constantly seeking new channels to reach out and share the wonderful Teachings.
Dharma In Action: Buddhist Youth Conference 2008 (www.dharmainaction.net) will be a platform for all Buddhists to gather and share experiences in organizing Buddhist activities and Dharma propagation. On 23 August 2008, we will be discussing milestone Buddhist events organized both in Singapore and overseas. Major lessons learnt will be shared together with the ups and downs of organizing such activities. The speakers will also be sharing with us on their motivations and what keep them going.
Following lunch, we will continue our discussion on the various efforts expended by Buddhists in both music and entrepreneurship. We will explore music and its role in Dharma propagation. We will also be speaking to Buddhists who are entrepreneurs to hear their thoughts on how Buddhism helps them in their businesses.
If you are looking to meet like-minded Buddhist youths or seeking new ideas in Dharma propagation, join us at the conference!
For more details on the event, please log into our website at www.DharmaInAction.net or contact the following:
Bro Victor Lim
9852-2492
sadhu@singnet.com.sg
Bro Teo Puay Kim
9820-7295
puaykim@gmail.com
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