1 litre of tears part 8

Do not rush through it,
Do not be greedy,
Do not give up.
Because everyone takes a step at a time,
It didn't matter how insignificant,
But I wanted to be useful to others.

Bowz, for most big tasks, we usually don't seem to be going anywhere, but if we stick to it, and continue sticking to it, one day, when we look back we will see that there is already a difference.

Aya says in this episode that she doesn't belong anywhere. I think we belong wherever we are, right at that spot. Usually we are the ones who come up with the idea that we do not.

In life, we affect people's lives and people affect ours without us knowing. Our thoughts, actions are all affected. And this, just totally changes the trajectory of our lives....Just like how Aya thinks that Asou has always been helping her. But she has influenced him so much so that he had become much happier and even decided to become a doctor. So how do you want to live your life?

You know, when we spend long hours alone, without talking to anyone, we think of many things, over and over again, the good become better, the bad become worse, everything goes totally off tangent to reality and we imagine many things and believe them to be true. Have you ever experienced something like that before? We totally give in to the tricks that our mind play on us, unable to maintain a centre. How I hope I can be more centered and be able to discern these thricks for what they are and not get taken in by them.

When you become totally useless, how are you to face the world? Just a burden to the world. Are you? We must be strong, there is still much we can do if we have our minds. That is what I feel, even if I am in Aya's case, I may be totally like her. Thinking that we are useless. That is normal. But I think if we train our minds, if we believe in something, then we have a way out.

To see your own daughter becoming like that before you...I don't know, is seeing your child die before you worse, or seeing you child become an invalid before you worse? I recall something a Zen Master wrote as a gift to a family: "Father die, son die, grandchild die". That is good, because everything is in order. But this, this is a totally different scenario..

Youknow, i think sometimes we just got to have more patience with ourselves and the things around us. The more i go through, the more i appreciate the value of patience. Patience is not controlling yourself and emotions like anger etc. Patience is not letting these thoughts have any grip on you, and dissolving these thoughts as the come. That is how I see it.

After her pneumonia episode, I think when Aya opens her eyes, she must be thinking, "OMG!! I am alive." They say it is good to live with that attitude everyday when we wake up. But without going through what Aya went through, is it really possible??

"Reality is too cruel, too bruttal. It wouln't let me have even a dream. When i think of the future, tears come again." That's why they say don't think so much. But how can we control, we cant control what we are thinking...it just comes...All the more we have to master ouselves and our minds...

"Where should I go?
Even if there is no answer, if I write, at least I'll feel better.
I am in need of a helping hand.
But i can neither see nor reach it.
Facing the darkness, all you hear are the echoes of my broken words."

From 1 litre of tears

Facing the darkness, you walk alone. But do you know because you write, you have become the light that brings darkness to the many who follow you. Your broken words have become the answer to others, your trembling hand, the helping hand to others, one that they can see and reach for.