1 litre of tears part 5

"As long as I am alive, I might as well be of use to other ppl." Well, that is how i see it too. If not I really do not know what we this life is good for. Although many times we still have self serving thoughts and bad thoughts, I think it is inevitable as we are all humans. But as long as we have this aim and strive towards it bit by bit, step by step. I think one days we can fully and totally achieve this aim. Is that what they call the Bodhisattva spirit in Buddhism?

The part where her friends blame her for not telling her...bah...kids.....ok patience......

To see an illness as not a misfortune, but an inconvenience. I think that's quite Buddhistic and high level. But beyond that, ppl still get angry at inconveniences. To see an inconvenience as part of life. I think that would be truely remarkable. However, passing the misfortune part, especially for such a serious illness.....I do not know if i am able to do that. Would the many years of Buddhism training be of use? Have I assimilated it yet? I am not sure too..

Asou was saying to Aya that how nice her family was. How nice that she has a place to belong... This place to belong...I too have such a place. And I don't think i'll ever understand the kind of loneliness....But this place to belong..will change..How will we deal with it, can we deal with it? I think that is impt. THis place to belong, on one hand it may be like our family and friends. On another level, it may just be the we that we know of, the 'i'. OUr 'comfort zone'. Are we ready to step out into the unknown?

Mari, Aya's fren stayed in the team in jr high because Aya was there.. Because you were there that's why i could go on. And you suddenly left. How can I blame her for being kids? It is a very human emotion that ppl of all ages possess. Hahaha! I judged too soon. Actually reflecting, many ppl regardless of age can become very childish at times. Acting like kids, they themselves would not know but the people beside them see it very clearly and they refuse to believe it when you tell them, jus like kids. Yes they would think out some sofisticated reason to justify their actions..but just to justify their kiddish actions. This is human. I am not excluded!

These japanese mums..how do they do it? Work and cook? Is that for real????

When Aya finds out that she her parents started looking for special schools for her, she told them that she should decide her future for herself. She knows that she had to give up many things. But giving up her friends, then she will cease to be her....well...it is difficult...but be courageous...We really don't know the despair that she is going through and what had brought her thus far.

In the parent teacher meeting, the mother was grilled on why her daughter is still here in the school as she is inconveniencing everyone... Well, every parent for their own child. It is normal human nature. But do we truely understand each other? When this parents grill Aya's mum, is it wrong? I do not think so. I think this is how society works. Everyone for their own survival. We stay in this world and society, this is how it works. Even if we were them, we would do exactly the same thing. So we can't blame people. It is quite understandable. There is a ways out and that is unless we can change the whole bunch of the society around us. If not it will not be helpful.
"Would you wait until she(Aya) comes up with the answer herself(whether she should leave school)?" I think that is the best. we would if it is within our means. Great compassion.

""Ah, I am so glad." It is alright for me to think that I wasn't always a burden to them, isn't it?" I guess it would help. If it helps we should do it.