Aya goes back to Higashi High and she says that she is glad she returns, because she remembers tha the 15 year old her was definitely alive there. You know sometimes, in Buddhism, they talk too much about impersonal stuff like Dharma and practice. However, as humans, many times, we work on feelings. So sometimes, we need to take care of our feelings too. Feelings are greatly affected by thoughts and memories. So sometimes, only through reliving these memories, thinking about the future are we encouraged..as long as we are human. Even as I write these now, it seems so impersonal. Haha.
"Finding out that today leads to tomorrow makes me happier" As of now, I still can't understand that..
Aya asks, "Mum, what am I living for?" That is a big question.
Facing the sandstorm, when there is no shelter, we can either allow ourselves to be blown away or stay our ground or continue to walk forward. Which would you choose?
Aya was given much strength when her doctor said that he had not given up on her. Not giving up is sometimes rather easy. you just go and just do it all the way. Decisions to give up or not usually culminate at a point of yes or no. If at that point, you say no, then you carry on. It is just as easy and as difficult as that. So if we set our mind to it, to always saying yes, and always going on. I think we can make it.
You know, this "feel that i am really alive thing", I think this is actually a big problem in itself. It causes us to always do something. But I don't exactly knows how it feels like though. Maybe I have got to wait sometime. But for now, I think that to do your job well, be of use to others, slowly fade away would be sufficient.
It is to the final 20min or so to the show already. The journey is about to end.
To find a place wher you can come home to always. Where can that be, the place of permenance in a world of impermenance.
In one of the entries in her diary, Aya writes a big Thank You. Actually, everything, everyone is helping us, if only we see and realise. Then we would feel the great sense of gratitude that Aya feels. In her condition, she sees it clearly, many things that we do not see. If only we see what she sees, then our lives would be totally different.
Her writings, her room, her pictures...I wonder how it will be kept. Where will it be kept after her parents pass away. Even these, will pass. And one day, those who do not know its meaning deep enough will just dispose of it and its meaning would be lost. That is how the world renews itself, over and over again.
The sensei says that Aya was an extraordinary girl. The mother says that she is just an ordinary girl. Actually I also think that Aya is an ordinary girl. But it is the choices she makes that is different. How we choose to live our lives, we can choose. We can choose what we want to do, how we want to feel within the circumstances. We can choose. So we should choose wisely and not waste our lives away. I think, only when we have done something useful, then can we die in peace.
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