Recently, there was this person who I didn't know quite well but felt through our interactions that she had always thought well of me. I happened to be there during her hard times in life like 1st and second break ups. I thought she was a nice girl and all. Kind, child like, talented and pretty. So I started going out with her more often. On one hand, I wanted to help her through her difficulties. On the other hand, I was interested in her. Initially, we went jogging weekly which i think both of us enjoyed. We went to artfriend to buy art stuffs and she will even ask to come with me. She was really excited initially and would even thank me and tell me she had a great time. As the days go by, we would regularly visit places like museum or go learn cycling together but I realise the topics we talked about grew fewer and there were several times with awkward silence. She became less responsive on smses though we still meet weekly for our art class. All we could talk about were our everyday stuffs like our work or her whether she has had her dinner. I would ask her if she was well, if she was recovering. If her mother had scolded her and comfort her at these times. Soon, things started to change especially after she had a big quarrell with ger mum and after she visited Japan. She soon started to say things like she wants some alone time and wanting to do things by herself and when I asked her out to do things together that we used to do last time, she said she did not want anymore. Her attitude changed. She was not so amiable anymore and would sometimes ignore my messages. Once, we went out drawing and after the drawing session, she looked me in the eye and told me that she felt drawing alone was better. I thought it was queer, was she trying to elicit a response from me. Anyway, when I went home, I told her the next day that I like drawing together with her. I had my suspicions about her feelings...Until one day, we were talking and when I said that she can call me to go jogging together, she said she'll rather not. I found that it was really her decision. She said she did not want to accomodate anyone else anymore and wants to do her stuff. I think sich an attitude is the end of relationships. With that, it felt to me that she was sending me a clear message. It's time to back off.
I realise that I spend my time giving my best to people whom I think is a fair candidate but many times, this person is not what they want or it is the wrong time. Sometimes, it is the right conditions and any sort of person will do. Sometimes it does not work out. This whole chasing thing I feel is really a waste of time. My time is truly precious yet I spend it on useless endeavours or on people who do not appreciate it. It is not easy and I always try my best to carve out this time. But now I feel that it is truly a waste of time. If those who are interested, you don't have to do much and it works because they want it. If they are not interested, why waste your precious time? Those who truly see the good qualities in you will come to you. Those who do not, why bother to work on them? The effort will be great and do not necesaarily bear fruit. More often than not, your opportunity cost would be great.
Thus, I feel I can't be wasting precious time anymore on these endeavours. Those who clearly see will come. Those who do not, there's no need to bother about them. I just need to do my job and help and that's it.
That said, all in life is a gain. Through this experience, I've gone on to improve my artistic abilities. Something I always liked. I got to learn about going to museums to learn and to learn about patiently observing the exhibits. I started formal art classes. Although we have a lot in common, I think if one hand is not clapping, it still would not work.
Every experience is a learning experience. But let us not waste time anymore. Life-time is precious and we should make use of it wisely.
